The Greatest Thing You Will Ever Learn

In terms of my education, in some ways, I feel I've learned more in the last week than I had in the past four years of college.

And painlessly.

Seamlessly.

If only I could bottle this methodology, I could take it right to the bank.

Why hasn't all my schooling been this insightful?

Do they just save the most useful information for seniors because we need to build up to it, layer semester upon semester to reach a final few months of relevance?

Or am I delusional, imagining I picked up on something of importance in the last handful of days?

♥ Lini.

Order & Progress

Do I keep wasting massive amounts of time doing nothing because I'm lazy or because I'm afraid of doing anything meaningful?

I know what I want.

Why am I not chasing after it instead of chilling with my cat looking out the window right now?

Sigh.

♥ Lini.

Future?

I went to this tonight and it made me both very happy and very said because I felt hopeful for my future in some ways, skeptical for it in others. In regard to my past and present, I just couldn't help but question where I am and what it is that I am doing. Am I in the right school, city, program?

I guess time will tell.

If your in Philly check out these events though, it was very insightful.

"You better make sure you're doing something really special cause everybody's closets are already full."

Wise words.

♥ Lini.

Design's hungry, feed me.

Hey there 4 a.m.

I can't say I'm to thrilled I always see you and your counterpart, 4 p.m. on the same days. But, so is the price of getting [insert something you really want here].

The other day one of my best friends text me "You don't love me anymore." Why? I hadn't spoken to her in [insert inconsiderately long time frame here]. I don't know how long it had been since I had bothered to ask how she's been. I don't know when I called my mother last. I don't know when I had my last meal or if I remembered to take my vitamins at all these past weeks. I don't know if I'm making any sense right now. Why? Because I go to design school. And believe me, you will never understand what it is to be a creative minded person unless you are one because even if you aren't working your brain will not let you stop. Was that the right color, the right fabric? Were those buttons too big? Should I recut and sew?

I would like to allot time for people, maybe somewhere between my 3 to 4 hour long studio classes, after which I literally continue working until I attend them again the following day.

"You don't love me anymore."

I don't even fucking love myself anymore because I forgot how to. Because all I love is when I hear that an assignment is completed at an acceptable level for me to pass. All I love is the rare occasion I ever get something right on the first try. All I love is the rare occasion my work gets a compliment.

I just need so badly to know that it is possible to be happy. That I will eventually find a place where I can place the people who care about me above getting the right seam allowances on my patterns.

To anyone left who I have not ostracized, to anyone left who has stuck around past the monster I have become. Thank you. I love you more than seam allowances, pattern paper, and fabric shears combined and multiplied.

I wonder if people see me and think wow, she works really hard, she must not have time to focus on pampering herself. Or wow, someone hose that bitch down.

♥

Lini, deliriously yours.

A Little Too Ironic

Few inspiration images.

Now for something that's been on my mind lately...

When you want something, really want something, how can you know that you actually want it or merely believe you do? How can you figure out what you truly desire? How can you know how badly you want it in comparison to someone else?

I want a successful job in the fashion industry. Partially because I love it, partially as a big fuck you to every professor who doubted me, every person who didn't see what was standing right in front of them, partially because I believe, or once believed, it was my calling, and partially because I believe in the sheer power of design, still. And always.

Design > Money.

But that's all just dandy.

How badly do I want it?

Enough to make it happen?

Enough to counteract luck or misfortune and whatever obstacles come my way?

How long can I want IT before something so much easier begins to look a hell of a lot better?

I mean how many people switch majors and careers?

How many people really do what they want in life?

Am I Ethan Frome, am I an Alanis Morissette song about irony?

Cause sometime I feel like both.

♥ Lini.

Under The Sea

Ten Reasons I really hate everything but swimwear right now.

*Side note, I'm doing a swimwear collection at the moment, and all other projects are currently aggravating me. In case you didn't know.

1. I love knits [stretchy fabric, stuff t-shirts are made of, etc.] Everyone LOVES knits. You wear them everyday for all occasions. They are comfy, fun, and in my opinion far more forgiving on the figure.

2. I like working with spandex a lot better. When fashion people are creaming themselves about some stupid wool satin, I just yawn. I mean I love fabric, but really? It's 2010 everyone.

3. People can buy things right off the runway nowadays. Which is a shame because it's made seasons and runways shows sorta less exciting. But you know what has no season? Swimwear. Cause jetting off somewhere, or chilling in a jacuzzi if you can't afford that, can happen year round.

4. I don't like wearing that much clothing. Neither do you, just admit it.

5. Material cost? Back to that wool business, cough cough. I doubt you're going to spend hundreds of dollars on any yard of spandex.

6. Swimwear editorials can have so many tones. Cute, sexy, hot, vintage, modern, demure... Need I go on?

7. People might think it's easy, but working in a limited space design-wise is a challenge!

8. Chances of working in a warm beautiful place when working with swimwear > Chances of working in a warm beautiful place when working with sportswear, evening, etc.

9. I love the ocean, ocean creatures, and water in general. I thought I was the Little Mermaid as a child. Still my fave non-Pixar Disney movie til this day.

10. I'm from Brazil, living in Florida. Enough said.

Pictures by Simon Pais, fashion photographer from Chile.

Are you smarter than a 4G?

I spend a lot of time of my phone.

I spend a lot of time hating my phone.

Still, I wake up to my phone's alarm. I check my email and social networks. Throughout the day, I play various games, update statuses, schedule meetings, plan events. Every time I do any of these things, I feel a little more important. I feel like a CEO now that I have a Smart Phone. Someone's lost? Let me get you directions. Need a recipe? Let me check that out for you. Running late to a meeting? I'll reschedule. I feel so powerful, all because a small metal and plastic device belongs to me and seemingly contains the entire world.

But now everyone has one. What's next then? What are actual CEO's going to carry around next? How much smarter can our technology be? Not to sound like a bad sci-fi flick, but machines freak me out, because their potential seems far too vast and untapped.

Digital, digital get down.

♥ Lini.

Bleed Like Me

Warning: inappropriate images. Which you now must realize if you're reading this.

I am a big True Blood fan. I am not a big Sookie Stackhouse fan, she the blonde bitch with the main vampire man for those of you not following. Three seasons deep, she has however said something I can relate to. [Though moments later, so made me hate her again by performing the above when much better suitors were available for her.]

When she broke up with the boyfriend, she said she spent their entire relationship dealing with the hardships because she believed eventually they would end. Eventually, they would be able to be together and, for lack of better words, live happily ever after. Then, after one incident too many she merely stated, "That's never gonna happen for us, is it?"

Is it gonna happen for anyone?

Whether it be going through school hoping you'll step out on the other end into the "real world", or putting everything you own into a business expecting it eventually to succeed, I feel everyone puts up with all kinds of shit everyday. Why? We hope and believe the shit we live through is just the road to bliss and there's something better on the other side.

Is there something better on the other side? Or does one battle replace another? I keep anxiously wanting to graduate. I keep thinking I'll have my diploma, find a career, turn in my application to reality and wait for all my dreams to come true.

Maybe three seasons of True Blood were just preparing me for that moment. Sookie's one moment of good sense.

It's never gonna happen for us, it is? At least not how we want it to. But maybe that's not so bad after all.

♥ Lini.