Put Your Pencils Down

When you're a kid and mostly until you hit the 12th grade, you're pretty much forced into taking standardized tests. Everyone fills out the bubbles on a scantron to match each others so when the results are analyzed they can be compared in an most impartial way. Then, weeks later we receive charts and barometers with percents, numbers, and statistics stacking us against our peers. We're ranked as either above, below, or at average. Personally, I've always felt below average scores are results of sleeping through tests, complete apathy, poor test-taking skills, or Christmas tree-ing score sheets but maybe that's just me.

My whole life I've always scoresd above average. My friends always scored above average. How is it possible for everyone to be above average? It's not, actually. That completely refutes the very definition of the world. I once walked around craddling a number on a piece of paper as if it someone how set me apart from the rest of the human race. As if dropping my SAT score years later would impress people into thinking something notable lurked within my skull.

Do you know how many factors affect test scores? Or how many factors affect someone determing whether of not someone's average in general? Brilliant people have been ignored throughout history because those around them couldn't use standard methods to determine the magnitude of their existance. I grew up being told all these great things about myself. Didn't we all, though? It's the modern age. We're raised to be praised and to violently believe in ourselves.

I grew up a little more now, and got a reality check. You never stop getting accessed in terms of average, and you will always be compared to others. But here's the world, and here's the billions of people on it. There's far, far too many spreading across the face of the earth for all of us to just stick out and be above it all. Maybe I'm above average in drawing or writing or height or you name it, but that does that even mean? It doesn't mean I'm the best. It just means compared to most people, I have a slight advantage. And I think that's what they forgot to mention. Being above average in something is easy, being the best is what's hard.

I'm so, so sick of feeling average. I haven't felt proud of anything I've done in so long. I haven't felt like I've made something or accomplished anything worth remembering. I am having so much trouble accepting the terms I have been described in were merely euphemisms and far too generously used. It's interesting how different societies work, and how we often view others as being too harsh on their children. Maybe they are. Maybe we're not. I guess no one really can know. I guess I can only wonder if the binds of my humanity were self-imposed, imposed by our upbringing, or completely beyond the control of any tangible factors at all.

Sorry that was really bitter. Here's some shit that makes me smile:

Nike Macarons.

Feet candy & Pistachio, my favorite ♥

Stussy Hello Kitty Tees.

Just my luck, only available in Japan, uggg.

I'm digging the white one on the upper left with the tea cup- super duper adorable.

Toys!

Fruit!

Silly, cute things always make me happier.

Lastly, eargasm throwback M.I.A. circ '06.

"I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better."

Garden State.

♥ Lini.